Finding my Path
I don't know how it happened. One day I woke up and I am 39 years old. Next February I will be 40 years old. I still remember being in the third grade - never getting picked for kick ball, fourth grade - becoming obsessed with the library and devouring all types of books with my thirst for knowledge, fifth grade - our class trip away from home to Walpack, near the Delaware Water Gap, seventh grade - trying my first cigarette and disliking it but knowing that it was discomfort for the sake of "looking cool". I can still envision playing field hockey in high school and writing for the newspaper at MRHS like it was just 2 weeks ago.
This past July, we had our 20 year High school reunion. It was nice to see familiar faces that had grown into their own. People, acquaintances and friends- some had chosen predictable paths that you could have guessed when they were in high school. Others really surprised me.
As we are boxing up our belongings for the move, I am sifting through old photos, cards and journals and am being reminded of simpler times, being a child. Such carefree and wondrous times where the small things didn't bother you --- and the big things, well they were special. We always got a new outfit for picture day and our birthdays. I remember being in fourth grade and that year, my mother had gotten me a pink denim skirt which was had roses all over and an adorable white knit top for my birthday. I remember going into the closet to look at it every day, counting the days to be able to wear it.
It brings me to NOW, as we are counting down the days to our move. Placing 8 years worth of lives spent at our townhouse into boxes and bags - to either bring along or donate and discard. I find I am being very selective about what to bring along with me on my new adventure in Oregon. There are things I am selling on facebook and ebay, ready to part with them. It is very cathartic to be able to let go of some of my "stuff". In reality, all I really need is not very much. I found that with 2 walk in closets, I have accumulated so many things that either still have tags on them or I wore once or twice.
What I find difficult to let go of are the places that hold so much meaning for me. Today I drove by our old house - the one I grew up in. Yesterday I visited the Holmdel Mausoleum to say my goodbyes to my mother. Last week, Jay and I drove out to Sandy Hook, where he proposed on December 15- 3 years ago, only steps from the big ocean.
And then there are the people. My family - my sister who has been a shining example of what it means to give and love, my nieces - beautiful girls who fill my heart space with joy, my friends who have all been so supportive and encouraging throughout this process of personal transformation. There are those who have mentored me throughout my fashion career, my Pilates career and just so much more.
As I was cleaning and packing, this piece of paper with a quote by Robert Frost, which had found it's home behind a wing chair, caught my eye.
And so a new Journey begins.